Not Another Love Blog will not be held responsible if you:

*Choose NOT to take any advice given and get dumped

*Take any advice given...and still get dumped

I give my around the way, non-professional opinion about matters of the heart. Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much. You be the judge! :-)

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Dont say "I DO" if you know you won't

Marriage. Jumping The Broom. Tying The Knot. However you say it, it basically means the same thing. Almost...

Merriam Webster defines marriage as an intimate and consensual union contracted by law.
UrbanDictionary.com [tee hee hee] defines marriage as the number one cause of divorce, a license to fuck [lol!], and something that straight couples have legally but commonly dont want while gay couples don't have it legally but commonly want.

So yeah, it's all one in the same. My partner and I were talking about marriage a few weeks ago, [not like that, don't get excited] and we got on the topic of why most marriages combust in a mess of bitter hatred and divorce lawyers. We agree that it's usually surrounding expectations that weren't met time and time again until one or both people involved just can't take it anymore. I believe this is the reason why. But I think it's such a crock of shit.

I figure if most people buckle under the pressure of extra expectations put on them once they say "I DO"...why are most people still expecting anything other than divorce then?! If and when I ever get married, i'd like to announce that any and all expectations I would have of my partner AFTER we say "I DO" are the exact same expectations I have of her NOW. That way, there wont be any surprises or added pressure which should hopefully lessen the chance of anyone crumbling. I mean seriously, why shouldn't I expect the best of her now? Why wait until after you marry someone to see what they can and can't do?? That's kinda like putting the cart before the horse and wondering why it isn't goin any damn where o_0

And then people love to do the most once they get married. If before the vows, you let it slide when your sig other strolls into the house at 2am with no questions asked...don't get all uptight about it after the fact! Hell, it's the thing to do by then. Complaining and whining 24/7 about everything he or she wont do ever since he or she slid the ring on your finger. Well did u bother to check him or her on it before you signed on the dotted line? No?? Okay well then, u get what u got. I mean, really. I understand, marriage is supposed to solidify the union and make it all extra precious and what not but it seems like if that's the case, and you really take it seriously, you should want to get all [or at least most] of the kinks ironed out beforehand, that way high expectations can already be set and met, paving the way for a smoother [not perfect] ride.

Maybe i'm the only one who can get with this logic...Is everyone else too scared to say wtf they wont tolerate before securing the ring??

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Lies and other facts of life

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the definiton of LIE= to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive OR to create a false impression.

Pretty good. I'd like to throw in the act of lying by withholding information, since many people believe a lie to only be something you actually say. NOT saying something beause you know if u tell it, your ass is gonna be in trouble, is just as much of a lie.

Also, making excuses is a form of a lie. Attemtping to bend and twist the truth by excusing it in order to make yourself look a little less shitty, is a lie. Especially the excuses that begin with "See what had happened was" or "I promise on all i own" or "I was sleep" or "My phone was on silent." Tragic.

So i'm a bit of a realist. Well, regarding some things, i'm a realist, and I know that EVERYONE lies. I don't care how holy, sanctified and innocent you claim to be, you're a damn lie. Now, not everyone lies regularly. There are people who toss in a lie every blue moon to cover their ass or to avoid confrontation. These are the Sometimey Situational Liars. There are people who believe in defaulting to a good lie when they know it will get them something. They are the Convenient Liars. There are those who know how to form an amazing lie at the drop of a dime to cover up any and everything, no matter what. The professional Liars. And there are those who just like to make up shit just because. They don't even need a reason. These people are the Psycho Habitual Liars. [run from them]

I will admit to being a good liar. I've told my share. Most of mine involve withholding shit instead of actually voicing a lie. But I can spin a good excuse as well. I've been decently reformed over the last few years as I've matured and found someone who doesn't deserve that kind of treatment. But because I used to participate in telling them, I can spot a lie from about ten sentences away. Before it even gets out the mouth good, i'm sniffing it out. A helpful trait to have but a little discouraging and tiresome. Anywho.

I would like to know at what point do you cut the liar off and say fuck you and have a nice life? Does it depend on the amount of lies told? The depth of the lie? What the lie is about? Or does it depend on the nature of the relationship? How long you've been together, etc.

For myself, it truly depends on the nature of the relationship. If I'm ehhhh about the person and they just steadily lie to me, i'm showing em the door. No questions asked and none answered. But if i'm in love with the person and know I want to make it work, I have to take my time cautiously proceeding forward. It then becomes dependent on whether or not i believe they are genuinely sorry, whether or not I believe the lies & the shady activity will stop and whether or not I will be able to trust them again. If these things can fall into place for me and im SHOWN i have a reason to trust someone, chances are it will work. But if i'm not seeing any changes, no maam. To the left you go.

I feel like lies are gonna be told in one form or another. People are human and we make mistakes. Does that mean all of us who make mistakes should just forever be branded and cast to the side? hmm. I think if we all continued to ditch the people we care about because they have lied to us...we'll be left sad and lonely waiting for the one miracle-person who never ever lies. [Jesus has already came and went, yall. So good luck with that] *shrug*


New year, new shit

Okay so it's not officially the new year yet but...close enough. Some may or may not know, but I have two other blogs that I tend to fairly often. Well, one I tend to often- The Rainbow Room. The other one is more of an any way the wind blows personal blog of mine where I rant and rave in typical emo/schizo fashion whenever I feel the need. Anywho, I noticed a pattern over at The Rainbow Room. Over the last year or so, the majority of my posts have been about relationship issues [drama]. And since The Rainbow Room is a space dedicated to all things LGBT, most of my beautiful followers are all lgbt fam. But then I had a light-bulb moment. STRAIGHT PEOPLE HAVE ISSUES TOO! Yeah, you didn't know that? Probably not, since they act like they don't. *eye roll* But I digress...also I feel as if I've cluttered up The Rainbow Room enough with all of my jaded cynicism about love and relationships SO with that said, I decided to create a shiny new space for the cup of bitterness to runneth over!! :-)

And here it is.

Seriously though, I love conversing on matters of the heart and I have lots of advice that I love to give but can't always easily take. [Don't we all?] If you aren't familiar with my blogging style, just know that I break it all the way down and I tend to dig painfully deep= No cupcake icing over here. [sugarcoated shit went out last year, sorry] I also love & crave feedback, topic suggestions and friendly but passionate disagreements so... join me??

p.s. It won't all be jaded and bitter, I promise. 0_o